


Cracks in Compartments

by goodisrelative



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-27
Updated: 2009-12-27
Packaged: 2017-10-05 08:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/39825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodisrelative/pseuds/goodisrelative
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em> It's not easy, but it's easier than the first time, and she wishes that weren't true for most of what she does.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Cracks in Compartments

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks, as always, to my two wonderful betas: [](http://pixie-on-acid.livejournal.com/profile)[**pixie_on_acid**](http://pixie-on-acid.livejournal.com/) and [](http://thekatebeyond.livejournal.com/profile)[**thekatebeyond**](http://thekatebeyond.livejournal.com/).

  
  
  
**Entry tags:** |   
[criminal minds](http://goodisrelative.livejournal.com/tag/criminal+minds), [criminal minds fanfic](http://goodisrelative.livejournal.com/tag/criminal+minds+fanfic), [fanfic](http://goodisrelative.livejournal.com/tag/fanfic)  
  
---|---  
  
_**Criminal Minds Fic: Cracks in Compartments, PG-13**_  
**Title:** Cracks in Compartments   
**Author:** [](http://goodisrelative.livejournal.com/profile)[**goodisrelative**](http://goodisrelative.livejournal.com/)  
**Rating:** PG-13, I suppose for content.  
**Spoilers: ** S2's cast change, but no episodes or events are mentioned.  
**Warnings:** None  
**DISCLAIMER: ** Criminal Minds and it's characters belong to CBS and it's creators. This is not for profit and I am recognizing no financial gain from this enterprise.  
**Summary:** _ It's not easy, but it's easier than the first time, and she wishes that weren't true for most of what she does._  
**Author's Note:** Thanks, as always, to my two wonderful betas: [](http://pixie-on-acid.livejournal.com/profile)[**pixie_on_acid**](http://pixie-on-acid.livejournal.com/) and [](http://thekatebeyond.livejournal.com/profile)[**thekatebeyond**](http://thekatebeyond.livejournal.com/).   
**A/N 2:** The first comment to this fic has an explanation of this fic and my thoughts on the motivations of the character in it.

* * *

It's not the first time, nor is it the last, but that doesn't much matter, either. It's not easy, but it's easier than the first time, and she wishes that weren't true for most of what she does. No one knows about it because it's not something she's been able to bring herself to share, even though she knows that secrets can get you killed. She wishes a few–her coworkers–would realize, but she's certain they won't because, for the best, they aren't observant at all when it comes to each other.

She wishes it would cost her more to do it because then maybe she'd stop. But she's already lost so much of herself that there isn't enough left to surrender to this, so she's glad, too, that it costs her so little. She's tired and not just physically, so it takes more effort–then again, everything takes effort these days.

She needs to take a vacation, a rest, but she knows she never will because her job is always there, never-ending, and she can't just turn it off. She doesn't want to be able to turn it off, but she wishes it came with a pause button. Then she could stop the nightmares and the restless nights and then life might be easier again. She's learned, though, that life can never go back to being easy–it only gets harder – so she deals with what is and forgets what was before.

They don't have a case right now, so she's able to justify to herself that her actions are okay - not that they're right, just acceptable now in this instant of time. Emily takes a sleeping pill, swallows it down with a large glass of water and lies down. She prays that the nightmares give her a rest and that's the first prayer she's said in so many years she's lost count.


End file.
